When helping people with the legal pieces of the separation puzzle, every story and every family is different.
But very often I hear the same comment, from almost everyone, at some stage during our work together.
There are a number of versions of this theme …
- but we had already agreed … it should be so simple to get the paperwork done
- we should just do what’s fair … that has to be simple
- why can’t he (or she) stop creating trouble …. we just keep to keep it simple
And although it is easy to see separation as it’s own special category of difficulty in life, I am not sure that is so true.
Even though we each live a wonderfully (and sometimes tragically) unique life, there are very similar feelings and experiences for all of us.
In our shared experiences on this planet, we often yearn that life could be a little simpler.
But simple is rarely easy.
Let me give you a couple of examples.
How do we stay within our healthy weight range?
Eat fresh healthy food, keep our bodies moving, drink lots of water and get regular rest.
But not easy.
How should we look after our finances?
Spend less than we earn, save regularly for our longterm future, and use our income to buy assets not debts.
But definitely not easy.
So how do we keep our separations simple?
Focus on solutions not problems, recognise trustworthy behaviour when it shows up, ignore the horror stories, be honest, settle the arrangements and move on as early as you can.
But absolutely and definitely not easy.
In all of these areas in our lives (health, finances and legal arrangements) it feels like we should just be able to do it on our own, because the answers are “so simple”.
I don’t know about you, but I find that my health, my finances, and yes my legal arrangements, are always improved when I get some outside help from someone I trust.
I would invite you to consider the same, even if your separation is obviously going to be “so simple”.